Happiness is…

So if one was to go ahead and look in my history on my computer, one might say i have an obsession for…. DISNEY! There is not too many things in my life i truly get genuine happiness from ..on a happy meter of 1-10, Disney makes me feel about a 28! I know that sounds extreme.. but i feel most myself when i’m at Walt Disney World. I’m not sure if its all linked back to childhood and having complete freedom from responsibility and being grown up. But heck what do i know, i’m no psychologist! Just to put it simply, i can act like a child, i can gorge on junk food, i can spend ridiculous amounts of money on things that will sit on a shelf.. BECAUSE  DAMMIT IT MAKES ME HAPPY! They definitely don’t call it the most magical place on earth for no reason 🙂

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Seeking a friend

Sometimes i sit all alone and take in what the whole feeling of life truly feels like,  living,  breathing,  loving,  hating, and dying.  I will ponder for hours on end and wonder what is the purpose of doing anything, if in fact one day we will die. This elephant in the room that is with us our entire lives, the expiration date of our existence.  It is inevitable and no one can ever change that. No matter what i do or accomplish in life, I will one day cease to exist. What is living and what are these moments for, if in a matter of years they will no longer even exist. No one will know  who i was here or even care of the memories i made.  Then i start criticizing myself… because what 22 year old has such deep thoughts that are on a long road to depression. I’m in too much fear to even share these thoughts with my loved ones… the ones that im suppose to confide everything to. I almost have a hard time thinking about it in my own head, it truly embarrasses me.  The reason im bringing up all of these feelings, is the fact that i feel seeking a friend for the end of the world was the one thing i ever witnessed where it portrayed my feelings and fears all in a nutshell. You cant hide from the fact about how scary death is and how much you’ve tried to prepare yourself for it… It made me feel at peace, with the fact that everyone was going through this at the same time all together and could not escape there final destination. In the final scene i was only imaging one face in my mind of who i wanted with me in the end of it all. My guy, my love, my Jordan.

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You’re my favorite, favorite thing.

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My humble first post

This is my attempt at a decent first post…. here goes nothing! Ive entertained the idea for quite some time to start a blog but for what ever reason as per usual,  my head always talks me out of it. But you know what? Im done listening to that doubtful voice in my head!! Maybe its all the quotes on pinterest that i’ve read that  finally talked me into it.  I guarantee this probably wont be short of a disaster at times but i need this outlet to share my thoughts, fears, loves, and passions! Now its time to buckle up for this bumpy road ahead, brought to you by the mind of the ever curious Kelsey Lord.

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