Seeking a friend

Sometimes i sit all alone and take in what the whole feeling of life truly feels like,  living,  breathing,  loving,  hating, and dying.  I will ponder for hours on end and wonder what is the purpose of doing anything, if in fact one day we will die. This elephant in the room that is with us our entire lives, the expiration date of our existence.  It is inevitable and no one can ever change that. No matter what i do or accomplish in life, I will one day cease to exist. What is living and what are these moments for, if in a matter of years they will no longer even exist. No one will know  who i was here or even care of the memories i made.  Then i start criticizing myself… because what 22 year old has such deep thoughts that are on a long road to depression. I’m in too much fear to even share these thoughts with my loved ones… the ones that im suppose to confide everything to. I almost have a hard time thinking about it in my own head, it truly embarrasses me.  The reason im bringing up all of these feelings, is the fact that i feel seeking a friend for the end of the world was the one thing i ever witnessed where it portrayed my feelings and fears all in a nutshell. You cant hide from the fact about how scary death is and how much you’ve tried to prepare yourself for it… It made me feel at peace, with the fact that everyone was going through this at the same time all together and could not escape there final destination. In the final scene i was only imaging one face in my mind of who i wanted with me in the end of it all. My guy, my love, my Jordan.

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You’re my favorite, favorite thing.

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